


The Laments of a Murderer

by Guacamole143



Category: Karanduun (Roleplaying Game)
Genre: Gen, Hurt No Comfort, No Beta, Pain, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: Filipino
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:09:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27671155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Guacamole143/pseuds/Guacamole143
Summary: Asterio made a mistake.
Relationships: 0 Bonds, Wala - Relationship, general - Relationship
Kudos: 1





	The Laments of a Murderer

**Author's Note:**

> CW: Self-hatred, suicidal thoughts
> 
> the one talking to Asterio is Domingo, lets go foreshadowing from the wedding episode!

The first mistake he made was not immediately going to Duran.

After going back to the Kampanaryo and meeting up with Samael, he knew he wanted to see Duran and talk to him. 

He and Samael were his only comfort during the time everyone left to do their own thing. Asterio felt closer to them, and he wanted to see if Duran was okay, but he knew he could talk to him later.

He had time.

**Asterio made a mistake.**

* * *

"Let's get the files in the office." Has said as he touched his shoulder. Asterio felt conflicted but nodded in reply. Inday would know what to do. He knew Inday didn't want him to be there with her, and Asterio felt horrible because of what he did. He looked over her as she walked away and looked at Has and Tala walking in front of him towards Duran's office. Rosaria was beside him, idly slithering with a look of confused boredom in her eyes. 

These days he's starting to feel like his existence has started to inconvenience everyone around him. 

_"Malas ka, Asterio. Dahil sa'yo minalas din ang buhay ko. Hindi kita dapat iligtas noon."_

Asterio clutched his hand into fists as he ignored the ghost of a man who continued to haunt him. 

When they got into the office, they immediately started to look for the files. 

"Has... Has tignan mo to." 

Asterio looked up and saw Has face grow in horror and anticipation as he warned Tala to give the files to him. 

Tala didn't listen and continued to read as her face slowly turns into confusion. She walked towards him with assertiveness in her stride. A look he knows too well. 

"Asterio, Ano ang Gumamela?"

It was as if loud static suddenly grew loud in his ears. He looked towards Rosaria, her face shifting to realization and horror as Has looked at him behind her. 

_‘Alam na nila. May minalas ka nanaman dahil nabuhay ka.’_

**Asterio had made a mistake.**

* * *

_He looked at his hands, and for a moment, he could swear he was back to that day._

_He felt the blood on his hands._

_It dripped from his fingertips and into the ground. It might have been his imagination, but he could swear he could hear it drip loudly in his ears._

_He had seen the sight of blood before._

_This was different, though._

_It felt wrong, and he hated this blood. He felt disgusted as it spread all over his hands, on his heart._

**Asterio made a mistake.**

* * *

"Parte ako ng Gumamela."

This wasn't how Asterio wanted it to go. He planned to tell Rosaria personally, not through the revelations by others. 

'Duwag ka kasi, Asterio.' 

"Explain." Rosaria asked darkly, "EXPLAIN ASTERIO!"

Asterio felt his heartbreak as he watched the emotions running through Rosaria's face.

Anger.

Betrayal.

He looked at Has and Tala, knowing that this was how everything would change. How they viewed him as a friend.

A traitor.

"Kami ung pumatay sa Barangay mo. Iyan ba ang gusto mong malaman? Kami ung pumatay sa barangay mo." 

He looked at the anger in Rosaria's eyes as she tried to attack him, only to be stopped by Has. He used his powers to deter Rosaria from attacking him and sent them to the other room.

Oh, Has. 

Asterio felt a wave of sadness for him. Why did he have to protect someone like him? He didn't want to make Has lose people over him.

Not to him. 

_'Dahil sa'yo laging nawawala ni Has ang pamilya niya.'_

**Asterio made a mistake.**

He shouldn't let Has protect him anymore. 

* * *

_He could remember the dagger in his hands. Asterio knew he didn't have to look at himself in the sheen of the blade. He would have cried. He should have wept. These people deserve someone to feel anguish over their deaths. The stars above had to see his tears because if he didn't then, that would mean what he did was evil._

_A person wouldn't commit genocide without crying._

_No tears were shed. There was no water to cleanse the deed. No salt to add to the wound, not until the time was right._

_Asterio fought for his breath. He felt his lungs quivered as he tried to inhale. Every exhale he did felt like a scream as he clasped his hands together because otherwise, they'd violently shake._

_The blood on the blade left a mark on his bloodied hands as it drips into the ground. It would dry and stain. It was a stain that couldn't be removed, no matter how much he willed it not to._

_It would stain no matter how much water he used, how many tears he cried, how many floods the gods would send._

**Asterio made a mistake.**

* * *

Asterio felt simply tired, Drained, hollowed out. He didn't want to fight anymore. 

Asterio ran his hands up and down Rosaria's back, holding her close but not constricting, murmuring words of apologies that he knew wouldn't be forgiven. 

Deep down, he always thought he could have done something to stop himself from making those mistakes. He should have known better. 

All he felt was pain, guilt, and exhaustion.

_'pagod ka na ba asterio? Napipikit mo pa ba ang mata mo nang hindi nakikita ang mga multo ng mga buhay na kinuha mo? Naloko ka asterio. '_

He felt foolish for being tricked into being a puppet for a scheme he never swore to play. 

_'Tanga ka kasi Asterio. But how can you live with yourself knowing how much blood your hands have drawn?'_

Asterio nodded. The blood he spilled was enough to drown in. So he drowned, sinking slowly in its dark and murky embrace that clung to his skin with the same desperation his victims pleaded with.

He screamed, but there was no one to listen.

He closed his eyes and let the warmth of the flame consumed his very soul as he fell. 

  


**Author's Note:**

> I don't know. too sad. wala pa dito ung kay Duran. Abangan once nalaman niya may fic un for sure.


End file.
